I swear, in this current trend, if you advertised a phone that could sweep your back yard and clean out your aquarium, somebody somewhere on the planet would make an enquiry!?!

Now, I want to make this absolutely clear – I’m not an old fart, and I’m in no danger of sounding like my dad, but really, what is the fascination with mobile phones?  Dad’s all over the world will know exactly what I mean.  If my two sons leave the house minus theirs, they loose the power of social intercourse and don’t know what to do with their hand!  And my God, if they hear a ring tone from another phone, their ears prick up like a couple of Meerkats on sentry duty.

I really don’t give a shit if the latest ‘bat-phone’ does dispense 1st and 2nd class stamps or downloads knitting patterns from Malawi or can round up a flock of rogue kamikaze frogs in Botswana, I just want to know if I can make a call and be heard the other end!

It’s got very silly out there phone land, nay fucking ridiculous.  You can operate your oven via your mobile now!  What possible use is that for Christ’s sake?  “Oooh, oooh I’m stuck in traffic, better text my cooker to turn down the heat and flip my kippers over – oh dear, I’ve hit the car in front.”  What happens if someone steals your phone of there’s a power cut?

And it doesn’t stop there either.  Along with all of the other pointless applications on your ‘talking hand box’, you can organise your fridge and your washing machine.  Why the fuck would you want to do?  What happens if you go out and get completely rat-arsed and then decide to undertake a spot of ‘drunk-dialing?  “Oh shit, the house has gone up in flames!  Are we insured for that?  Errrrrm, not unless you’ve got an app for that!”

And just to add a little more fear to the already paranoid ‘must keep in touch’ society, you can buy a box now that holds a call if you’re out of reach when your phone rings!!!  Oh yes, Blue Tooth or Brown Fang, or what ever they’re called, have designed an accessory for those users who are sick of missing calls.   Bloody idiots, if it’s that important surely the caller would phone back.

And what happens if you’re out of range, when you use your new ‘all singing all dancing’ out of hand range device?  I suppose death is instant.  No, hang on, I’ve just had a call from ‘Pink Molar’.  Yes, yes they’ve just launched their latest backup box, which will backup the backup box you already have!  I mean, who is so insecure that they’re frightened of missing a phone call?

It is my considered opinion that these weak and feeble people would die if they had to use a telephone box.  So, with that in mind, I’ll leave you with a saying of mine which I use for situations such as these.

“Just because we can it doesn’t mean we should.”

This entry was posted on Monday, January 17th, 2011 at 10:53 pm and is filed under Neils Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.