Soon the international athletes will start arriving in Britain. Call me old fashioned, but that’s where their problems will begin – attempting to get through customs.
In fact, that should be the first event, getting from the airport to their accommodation, followed by the ‘first-day-dash’ to the arena. Can you imagine the shock on their faces when they hit the underground? Oh yes, they might be only 20 minutes away from the track and field stadium, but no one has told them that the actual journey time will triple on a Monday morning. You can spend years in training, but nothing prepares you for the real thing!
The next problem they’ll face is the closing of the M4, after the cowboy road maintainance team botched the repairs to the road surface by applying bread pudding instead of tarmac, in a bid to undercut their quote price.
The opening ceremony will go without a hitch – for the first 3 minutes and 47 seconds. At which time London will have its first hazardous weather warning, when hurricane Bernard is spotted of the Irish coast.
After a lot of confusion and boiled rice at the main arena the Chinese team leaves for home. It seems they were given wowchers instead of stadium passes.
The Korean team will kick up a fuss about the food they will be receiving. I don’t blame them for not wanting to eat McDonald’s for a fortnight. I mean, there isn’t a race where it’s an ‘all you can throw up’ competition, is there! No, the main qualm said the team coach is, “We’re fine with the Alsatian fritters and the grasshoppers in aspic, but we ain’t touching the sausages, you don’t know what’s in them!” However, the cat food does look tempting as do the pigeons.
The javelin event won’t go ahead. After a break in the teams found that every javelin in the Olympic stadium had been stolen. Police will say, “This is what ‘appens in a recession, they’ve probably been melted down for the aluminium.”
And, after an all night party in Hackney, flat dwellers take it upon themselves to set off four Surface to Air Missiles. And as a result of this action the entire Soviet team are wiped out. We are now at war with Russia.
Rickshaw companies make a financial killing when the entire underground packs up due to a blanket power cut. NEWS FLASH: Rickshaws block all main roads and side streets leading towards the main arena – Baggage handlers strike eight seconds after the games end, and finally. The first one home gets a gold medal. This will be the only time in history when Britain wins gold in every event.
Comments
Powered by Facebook Comments