Well it doesn’t surprise me.  The Olympic media machine tells us the opening ceremony is to be cut short.  This is to ensure, they say, so it finishes early enough allowing plenty of time for the crowds to catch public transport home.  I don’t think the organisers need worry about that.  I’d be more inclined to start panicking when London Transport’s tube drivers announce their strike half way through the proceedings!  Let’s face it, we’ve got two chances of success with the ‘running and jumping’ circus – Bob Hope and no hope!

The real truth behind the cut in the opening ceremony is that a number of the chosen participants have been diagnosed with Olympicitus, also known as Twenty Twelve Syndrome.  The symptoms creep up on its host like a slipping clutch and goes on to render the victim helpless.   Doctors now say that after trials in the Olympic Testing Centre they have proved beyond reasonable doubt that the human brain can only function properly with a rationing of the words ’Olympics’ and ‘Twenty Twelve.’  Anymore than that and terminal boredom ensues, followed by an overwhelming desire to wear nylon Y fronts.

If you believe you’ve heard the above two stressors more than 15,417 times in the last four months or seen them in the media, then you and your family are at risk.  The first step to full recovery is too cut the plug off your television and radio.  Then visit your local audio outlet and fill it with cavity wall filler.  This will put a halt to anymore suffering in your area. 

Next, create your own support group.  When you have enough members, hose down all news agents in a two mile radius of your home.  At least one of your members should be a fireman; then you’ll be able to acquire a fire engine to help with your cause.

The Torch update: the torch passed through Tottenham, north London.  Four people and a dog waved and 80, 000 others blocked the High Road, when they tried to get a drag from, what they believed to be the biggest spliff they had ever seen.  Cheap trainers and wide screen TV’s are still available in the area!

Strike areas: border control steamed in first and to follow the Tube drivers at Greenaway transport hub will strike for extra money to stay awake during the games.  Next to be hit will be West Ham over ground a day later.  The poorly named Stratford International over head station won’t have to adopt strike action, as by day two the M25 and M4 motorways will both be gridlocked and become the official Olympic park parks.

Personally, I’ll be glad when it’s all over and I don’t believe I am the only one…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 24th, 2012 at 1:17 am and is filed under Neils Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.