Moving swiftly on – ball terminology.

The spinners: formally an Irish folk band.

Seam bowlers: men who bowl their balls to close to their trousers.

In swingers: trendy players with open relationships.

Googleys: damaged testicles.

Ball tampering: oooh yes please.

Out for a duck: visiting a Chinese take-away.

Caught short: looking for the toilets.

A slash off the outside stump: finding the toilets.

The crease: something that needs ironing.

An over: opposite to an under.

A Yorker: half a Yorkie bar.

Now, if you’re ever unlucky enough to be strapped to a chair and forced to watch an entire game make sure you have plenty of food in the house.  You might find this hard to believe but some games can go on for five days, and bloody and, there’s a still a chance that the match will end in a draw!  I mean, what’s the point in breathing, you might as well toss a coin at the beginning to get a result and save a lot of tedious commentary and air time.   As you will soon learn ousting the opposition from the sacred sticks and twigs is a lengthy process and here’s just some of the reasons that can prolong the game.

Players being ‘in’ – Bowlers with no arms – Bowlers without a ball – Team members with the wrong leg weights on – Team members with only one leg weight on – Lunch – Tea – A batsman or Bowler with rickets/Parkingsons disease –  No batsmen – Having the runs – A seagull on the top on a No. 23 bus – A Yorkshire terrier on the field – Rice Crispies that are past their sell-by-date – A square ball and finally – death.

So, to sum up, your side goes ‘in.’  And your opponents try to get you ‘out.”  They go ‘in’ and then you try to get them ‘out’ – it’s simplicity itself really!  And let’s not forget the sportsmanship of the game, even if the criminals beat us in the Ashes tournament we still keep the trophy in this country!

Well I’m glad I’ve cleared that up for you and the next time you find yourself watching the cricket scores on TV could one of you let me know if we win!!!

Hope you all have a ginger and peachy weekend, Bipolar Bill has left the pavilion…

This entry was posted on Friday, June 5th, 2009 at 5:50 pm and is filed under Neils Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.