Now, I don’t know about you, but I have a hatred of TV ads.  Not all of them, just the very, very annoying ones.  Moon pig for example, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.  Saints preserve us!  Who ever wrote it, sang it, filmed it or even made the tea for the twatoid that came up with the idea for it, should be hung drawn and quartered, and then tortured and then slapped a about a bit too.  Perhaps it’s because I’m a little older, and may have reached the ‘old git’ stage of my life, but I don’t think so.  You see, back in the days when the whole world was in black and white, even the snooker, the time allotted for advertisements was set at the three minute mark.  Miss time your viewing today, and you’ll be in line for 300 seconds of rip-roaring inane banter, and signature tunes that you won’t be able to shift from your mind.

So there I was sitting in the traditional breakfast eating position; feet up, plate under chin, with the ‘buttons’ to the left of me – or so I thought.  I’d just taken a bite out of my first crumpet when a verruca the size of a manhole cover filled the whole screen.  I immediately reached for the remote only to discover, (shock-horror-gasp), it was missing!  So I waited, believing, hoping the next break would bring something more palatable to look at.  Did it?  Nope, it was a cheery lady explaining the benefits of earwax dispersal, and this was swiftly followed by an ad showing how easy it was to remove your unwanted nasal hair!  Wart and blackhead creams were the next delicacies on the menu, and did you know you can shift all of your excess mucus, quickly and easily, with, Burton’s all new ‘Lung Scrape’ expectorant? 

And just when I thought the whole ghastly episode was over, it started up again.  I’d just taken a mouthful of tea when I was presented with… female bladder weakness, which neatly drifted into a tutorial of how to use a pregnancy testing kit, including a section of ‘where the lady should pee’.  I can only assume there was a sicko in charge of the adverts that day, or they were aired for a wind up.  A stomach cramp advert brought some relief, but a detailed discussion regarding heavy flow periods, and the latest in tampon technology soon dragged things back to where we began.  And how was this plethora of the revolting rounded off?  With a bunch of back-bottom breaks!  They led in with a subtle one for the treatment of wind, but then smacked home the point with a descriptive remedy for diarrhoea, and where would we be without, stool softeners?  Hmmm – put me down for a box of those!  

Right I’m off, the old third knee is giving me a bit of jip… BB

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 at 6:13 pm and is filed under Neils Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.