Well I’ve heard some old twaddle in my time on the planet, but taxing the heat in food has got to be the most ludicrous idea yet.
Who the hell’s in charge of thinking this stuff up? More importantly, how much are they being paid? Why stop there; why not have a wind tax? Anyone caught in a force 10 gale will pay more Wind Tax than someone standing in a light breeze, for instance. Bloody idiots!
If this is the shape of things to come, we should all gird our loins for more inane tax schemes. For a start, I don’t see the ‘value’ in Value Added Tax; it just amounts to forking out more cash because some arse in a suit says so. It’ll be candles next, you wait.
“S’cuse me madam, do you intend lighting that?” “Err, yes at some point.” “Thank you, that’ll be 69p extra.” What about an extra tax on coffee? You’ve been down the high street and you fancy a drink. You walk into a coffee bar, place your order, then a government official steps out and sticks a thermometer in your drink to see how much more you should pay. In turn, you go out on to the street and measure the temperature outside the building and come to some arrangement about the bill!
You may laugh, but this is what the pasty tax was all about. So in essence what this means is, on a warm day your lunchtime fill of pulped scrag-end and nuked vegetables, wrapped in a high fat content envelope, will be VAT free. But on a colder day, it’ll cost you 20% more. Here’s the breakdown.
Monday: sunny and warm, £1.35. Tuesday: naughty clouds and wind, £1.62. Have you ever heard such a load of old bollocks in your life? And this, apparently, came out of the head of a government official who probably went to Oxford or Cambridge! Personally I believe you’d get more sense from a recently sectioned patient!
Well thanks to a U turn by the twits in charge of the country, your pasty is safe for now, but what else will they come up with respect to taxing heat-related items? My money’s on hot bread! But when it’s cooled down it’ll be cheaper. If they really want to go for broke, how about applying a sun tax? When it’s out, we all use it and what a little earner that would be. The only problem I can see is how would they calculate how much ‘current bun’ we would use individually?
Well luckily I have the answer – made-to-measure solar panel sandwich boards. We’re all different sizes, so based on that, this will aid the calculation. And overall it will encourage the bloaters amongst us to lose weight and stop clogging up the hospitals. No, no, there’s no need for thanks, just send cash…
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