Well, it all kicked off in Hertfordshire last week! In fact it got so bad the powers at be had to pull out the big guns and employ the services of… The Wheat Police!!! The home secretary, who was at home at the time typing, gave his consent so it must be serious.
One of the concerns of the anti genetically modified food campaigners is that the cereal and the insecticide used will contaminate other food supplies. A spokesmen for the research unit said, ‘The wheat is going nowhere as it’s kept behind a high steel fence in case it makes a break for it.’
Isn’t it typical though, this story hit the British press like there was a new Nazi uprising. When in reality all that happened was a bunch of University students broke in and tried to trash the crops. Can you imagine the scene? “I say come on Bertie, Biffo and Egbert, shake a leg and let’s sally forth and strike a blow for English flour. And tomorrow we can have a damn good rousing peaceful protest while banging tambourines and singing rowdy rugger songs!”
A local man, who only had three testicles at the start of the trials and now has seven said, ‘If it’s not dangerous why do you have to go through two security barriers and then walk for a mile to get to the most closely guarded plot of earth in the UK?’ And if you think about it, he does have a point.
We have a food mountain here every year on a regular basis and starving people on the other side of the world. Now call me stupid, but surely this means we are producing too much food? I believe someone has lost the plot with all of these insecticide trails and how to kill the naughty aphids. I mean, you have to keep an eye on the crops, but when all said and done, if the soil is knackered, we won’t able to grow anything anyway.
Why use chemicals at all? With the current unemployment figures as they are, here is an ideal opportunity to reduce the numbers by 62%. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be an apprentice aphid flicker and squisher for God sake!
Weetabix, the cereal company where unavailable for comment, but the BBC are set to film a fly-on-the-wheat documentary about the firm. Sources say some supermarkets are offering a ‘buy-one-get-63 free’ offer and financiers can’t see how they will make a profit with a deal like this.
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