So why do we like to get drunk?  It’s a licensed poison, it affects your train of thought and eventually your sense of balance – well, it’s a great buzz isn’t it.  But how drunk do you have to be to steal a wild animal?  “Do you fancy another beer or shall we go to another club?”  “Naaaa, let’s go nick a penguin.”

Two blokes from Wales got hammered and then decided to stroll into Sea World, Australia and p-p-p pick up Dirk the penguin rather than a kebab, but not before a swim with the dolphins.  It’s probably just as well they were sober enough to let off a fire extinguisher in the shark tank rather than get in!

So, you’ve had your night out and you return home to sleep off the night’s alcohol and wake up to find you’ve got a short black and white guest standing in your wardrobe, what do you do?  Your first thought must be, “I don’t recall buying that last night.”  Then, between the two of you, you slowly piece together your evening.  Of course it begs the question, how much organisation went in to the plot?  I mean, did they think, better take a back pack or did they simply just tuck Dirk under their arm and leg it?

You realise you can’t keep it as it keeps trying to get in the fridge for a kip and you don’t want to draw attention to yourselves by ordering a hundred weight of sprats every two months from the fishmongers.  So what are you going to do with it?  Taking it straight back to the zoo is out of the question, I mean, you don’t want to appear stupid.  No, so you plum for dumping Dirk in the shark infested waters of the Gold Coast and do a runner hoping that no one spots you.

Well, after a good laugh at the Dirk’s expense, and thinking you’ve got a way with pilfering a Mary Poppins extra, you’ve just got to tell a friend about your latest jape.  Not via phone or Skype no, you decide to inform a chum on face book.  Big mistake!  Aah yes, what it is to be 20 something and that stupid!  FX: Knock, knock.  “S’cuse me sir, have you seen this penguin before?”  “Ermmm, yes.”  “Great, that’ll be a thousand dollars please.”

Then comes the ‘poor me’s’ cycle.  “It was just a laugh and now I’ve been evicted from my apartment.  People are laughing about this at home but I’m feeling the rough end of the stick over here.”  Awww, boo-hoo and hoo, tell it to the animal that spent a night avoiding a bunch of sharks, asshole…

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 6th, 2012 at 11:02 pm and is filed under Neils Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.