Well, if you thought television couldn’t get anymore boring, you wait for the next 70 days.  The UK’s media are following the progress of the Olympic flame.  And if you’re unlucky enough, you’ll be able to watch every single inch of the footage.  By unlucky I mean bedridden of course…

Well worth the license fee I reckon!  Listening to the reports from the crowd at Land’s End, where the whole dreary saga began, and the gushing old twaddle coming from the news correspondents, you’d have thought a Royal baby had just been born.  Which reminds me, ‘er nibs will be celebrating 60 years of our money.  I’ll support British, but I didn’t put my name down for the Greek and German element of the over privileged few.

Oh yes, there will be a celebration of fitness for the running, jumping and hopping idiots, which we can’t afford, and the Royals will have some much needed holiday time away from their holidays, but has anyone calculated the carbon foot print from these farcical festivities?  I think not.

Let’s just think about how many planes will be in the air when Liz is out celebrating 84 years of free bed, board and food.  Then count up how many helicopters will be used to film the pageant up the Thames; hoping all of the potential sniper points have been covered by the military.  There will be thousands gallons of 4 star wasted on that.  And then you’ve got to add the cars, coaches and boats following the both parties.  Build a cancer unit?  Naaa, bollocks to that – let’s ‘ave a party! 

So what’s happening with that iceberg?  Well right now it’s fracturing nicely.  Yes, gently and below the hearing range of the human ear, the fractures in the ice are slowly joining up.  I’ve been in touch with the scientist following this potential travesty and after thumbing through this month’s copy of ‘Scandinavian Eye Wrestling for Beginners’, I presented my findings. 

So fragile is the Antarctic at the moment that all it will take to shift 17 square miles of naughty frozen water is this, two English celebrations running in parallel.   The first phase of the ‘big melt’ will be caused by exactly 8,000 people carrying an Olympic flame from one end of the country to the other, over a 70 day period.  The heat generated by the very last torch will be enough to trigger the iceberg to drop into the sea.  And the next day on the news you’ll here this. 

NEWSFLASH: entire Royal family drowned in the Thames after a surprise tsunami hits the south coast. 

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This entry was posted on Sunday, May 20th, 2012 at 10:49 pm and is filed under Neils Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.