Remember a time when you paid your gas or electricity bill in their respective showrooms? Now you can get your electric topped up in the chemist and pay your water bill at the corner shop. No wonder the UK is in a state…
And it’s no wonder the children of this country are growing up with a confused outlook on life, especially when the ‘I remember when’ stories begin. “It’s a windup clock son,” “Yeah but where do the batteries go?” Frightening!
It’s all changed and not for the better. “You wait until your father gets home,” is just one of many parental sayings that’s dropped off the register too! We’ve already lost Woolworth’s and Cadbury’s is now owned by the yanks, so what’s next? That’s right, the comforting sight of your local police station, and it’s all part of a cost cutting exercise by those in charge. So what’s the plan B?
Oh this is a peach, to balance the books, 264 front-line desks will be closed, but you’ll be pleased to know that if you need to report a crime in the future, you can pop down to Tesco. Failing that, try the library under the Crime Section!
I mean, on first hearing, this notion sounds like a viable option, but I can’t help thinking there will be problems in the long. For example, in what part of the supermarket will the police be sited? Well, aisle 999 is out of the question, unless the shop’s been built on the site of a disused runway. Will you be able to give your statement to one policeman and have another listening in for free or will you simply find the boys in blue in a glass box at key points around the building with, “In case of a crime break glass,” printed on the side?
In hindsight they would be better placed on the fish counter, (what for it – wait for it), because you could call out the flying squid straight away! Why, they’d even have a cod car handy wouldn’t they (Bur-dut tshh). And if you think about it, if fish started stealing from the supermarket, you could bring it to the attention of DCI Sprat and he could be deployed to catch the Mackerel!
No, no, no, no. Something’s gotta to give. The very fabric of our society has relied on cash for too long, so rather than keep printing more; surely the answer is to dump the existing monetary format for something totally new?
Think about it. At the moment we’ve got a 50, a 20, a 10 and a 5 pound note, so swap the notes for livestock! A lamb would be worth 50 quid, a piglet would be 20 quid, a rabbit would be a tenner and you’d get a frog for a fiver. I can’t fault it, except you might need to get a bigger wallet and getting cash out of the ATM might be a little harder. But hey, it can’t be any worse than it is now, can it?
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