Well, it’s been a while, so I guess I should explain my absence…

I’ve missed writing my blog, but when you don’t have the luxury an agent, you find you have to do everything yourself, while other things hang in the air.   However, I’m not going to add a post if I’ve got nothing to say, one of my pet hates is bullshit and padding, and I would rather write something that’s spontaneous, than write a lot of old toot.

So, I have been busy that’s for sure, and I have to say I’m quite proud of my achievements in the last four months.  Last year a friend’s mum, who works for Essex Libraries, mentioned my book to the buying team, and the upshot was they ordered a copy of Bi Polar Expedition for their stock.  Being slow on the uptake, it hadn’t occurred to me  that other libraries might be interested in my little story.  It turns out I was wrong!  What a berk!!! 

What began as a casual browse at the local boroughs, soon turned into a full scale London operation and, after recieving a good response, I thought, fuck it why stop there, why not cover the entire UK?  So I did!  And that is what I have been doing since the start of March this year.

I couldn’t contact every library in every borough, there are literally thousands of them, so in the end I decided to aim for all of the central lending libraries.  Each borough has a slightly different way of dealing with an enquiry, but largely if you do make an enquiry you have to wait 10 days for a response if you contact the council or the library directly.  And yes, I’m glad to say I managed to gain a little humour from my trails.  [NOTE TO SELF: tell ’em about Royal Kingston Upon Thames library, and their attitude towards severe mental health disorders.]

So, without further ado, here’s my library hit list to date:

Library/Copies

Essex 1 –  Waltham Forest 3 – Haringey 1 – Barnet 2 – Ealing 4 – Havering 1 – Southwark 1 – Richmond 2 – Camden 1 –

Hammersmith & Fulham 1 – Wandsworth 2 – Westminster 1 – Luton 1 – Sutton 2 – Peterborough 1 – Suffolk 1 –

Bristol 4 – Gloucestershire 1 – Stoke-on-Trent 1 – Dudley Metropolitan 1 – Northumberland 1 – Stockport Metro 2 –

Worcestershire 1 – Oldham 1 – Warwickshire 1 – Manchester 1 – Blackpool 2 – Durham 1 – North Tyneside 1 –

Warrington 1 – Sefton 4 – Sunderland City 1 Cumbria 1 – City of Wakefield 1 – North East Lincolnshire 1 – Dumfries 2 –

Inverclyde 3 – Angus 1 – South Dublin 2 – The British Library 1 –

Total libraries 40.  Libraries considering my book 45+

 

Now, after chatting to various librarians, 99.9% had something positive to say about my story, and mental health issues.  However, there ‘s alway a small fraction that still have the blinkers on when it comes to having a nutter in the family, living next door or sitting on their bus.  They just can’t handle an issue that can’t be cured by money is what it really boils down to.  “Got a problem?”  Throw some cash at it, it will soon disappear!  Yeah, if only… 

So I sent my standard email to the council of Royal Kingston-upon-Thames, and the day after I received a standard reply notifying me that my message had been forwarded to the department responsible, and they would be in touch within 10 days.  And 10 days later, sure enough, there was a reply to my humble enquiry.  It read thus:

“Dear pleb,

Thank you for submitting your enquiry regarding your first book about how mental you were, (my, that must have been embarrassing for you).   We do have a section on self-help, (we don’t put it under the heading of’ mental health as it would upset our clientele who are well and loaded) or (well loaded).  So we prefer to deal with only mild to moderate disorders, as it’s a lot less embarrassing for all concerned.  But, on the upside, we do hold a raffle for the bankers in the next town who are suffering from a lack of interest in life, and on their accounts due to the credit crunch, and that makes us feel better about our inadequacies in dealing with real life situation.  I shall certainly consider your book (snigger snigger) when we empty out the bins or when I’ve got ‘one of my heads’.   And thank you for making us aware of your tatty little literary offering.  So I said…

Dear Never ‘ad a chip sarney in yer life,

Thank you for such a swift and positive reply, you scabby old bat.  I hope my book, ‘Bi Polar Expedition’ is considered for the libraries of Kingston upon Thames, as a large majority of men and women are not lucky enough to escape with just mild to moderate disorders, some have to sack their butlers and housemaids, and their cook and nanny as well. 

Mental ill health is a classless condition, and it is partly the reason I wrote about my experiences but, if you feel lucky, and believe you will escape being associated with the ‘1 in 4’ (riff raff who become ill because they have no money) don’t order a copy of my story.  I mean, we wouldn’t want to upset anyone would we.

Wishing you, all you wish yourself (you sanctimonious git)

Luv&’ugs & a grope behind the bins, The Spaz from Alcatraz, oarfer 

 

No earlobes member No. 19.  Patrick Keilty.  Stand-up comedian and TV presenter.

Right I’m off, the cat needs and iron, and Halfords have just had a consignment of exploding Y fronts delivered.

BB has left the gas on… 

[Doffs cap]  Thank you for such a swift and po

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 6th, 2010 at 3:57 am and is filed under Neils Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.