Well, suck my possum and call me Susan!  It’s volume II of BBC News24 The warped side, where the news is real. 

You must remember, just because it’s on the news, it doesn’t mean that it is the only news on the planet.   People in rooms have a list, a list of what to include, and a list that ends up in the bin, and the events go unreported.  Well, here at the Mental Central Co. this is not the case/trunk for that matter.   Our journalists give an airing to what’s really gong on in the world today.  So, sit back and relax and take in The warped side.

The USA:  A terrorist is to sue the American Government after claims that he was tortured for information using illegal means, while he was held in Guantanamo Bay.  The suspect said a bag was placed over his head and he was forced to lie down in a bath while melted cheddar was dripped over his face and body.  Sometime later, a full packet of Ryvita biscuits were crumbled up and placed in his underwear.  An American spokesman said that this was the first reported case of cheese-boarding in the world. 

Life in general:  Items you never see a ‘buy-one-get-one-free’ offer:

a funeral – a pint of beer – a house – a holiday – a gallon of petrol – a car – a swimming pool – a bed – a conservatory – a loft extension – a wedding dress and breast implants.    

Philosophical corner:  I’ve just been handed this from our news bin, and it concerns a man who, after suffering from years of mental ill health, has remained ‘well’ for the last eight years in row.  He goes on to say that, even after all the problems that he has had to face, he’s still managed to retain most of his ‘normal marbles’.  The statement reads:

“The future is what’s ahead of you, and if you pass this point in your life, you may overtake yourself on the way back.  Moreover, let’s not forget what is in between.  Yes, the midlife period, the very centre of your exsistence, depending on how old you are when you snuff it!  But, more importantly than all of the above, remember this and pass it on to your nearest and dearest.  The past is what lies behind you, and if you’re still there, that’s where you are now!!!”

Wow, truly inspiring…  

NEXT WEEK: Why placing Duck Tape on your genitalia isn’t as much fun as it’s sounds when sober. 

And, from ‘Mustn’t Grumble Corner’, can you pull your foreskin over your head?   

This is me saying, “Oooh look, Heinz Terrapin soup”… Laters guys x

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 13th, 2011 at 5:30 am and is filed under Neils Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.