The secret thoughts of a manic depressive
Wednesday: Thinks? I should change my socks.
Thursday: Naaaah, I’ll do it tomorrow…
Friday: Wow – they feel great.
Saturday: Ooh, fresh socks again!
Sunday: I can’t believe how comfortable these are.
Monday: And this pair smell great!!!
Tuesday: Oh… I can’t get my trainers on?
Wednesday: Note to self. Next time take old socks of first.
Thursday; Note to self part II. Next month I’ll wash my feet, yay!
A town planner from Bristol, England was sacked today after plans for a children’s play area turned in to chaos, a court heard. A spokesman from the council said, “We simply can’t understand why a psychopath was left roaming free around the boating lake, when we specifically asked for a cycle path!!!”
The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, when you live on a landfill site.
Two dyslexic friends, who had never been skiing before, decided to take a holiday in the French Alps. At the top of the beginner’s slope, one said to the other eagerly, “Let’s zigzag down here like they do in the films as fast as we can.”
His buddy said, “Well hang on a minute, will that mean we’re zigzagging or zagzigging?” As his friend couldn’t come up with an answer, they decided to ski slowly down to the bottom of the slope, and ask a man who was standing outside the ski shop taking in the view.
Ten minutes later they shuffled up to the man and asked him if he thought they were zigzagging or zagzigging down the slope. The man stopped and thought about the question for a moment and replied, “Well, you’re asking the wrong person really, I’m a tobogganist.” “That great, said one of the skiers, “can I have 20 Rothmans?”
Would a car insurance company cover a giraffe against whiplash injury?
Things were tough and times were hard for my parents, and overall I had a harsh and turbulent upbringing. Mind you, I was brought up in wind tunnel. I bloody was!
Naval news now… harbouring a grudge without owning a harbour will carry a heavy fine from midnight to night. “The landlocked parts of England will be the hardest hit,” a harbour master said.
Never commit suicide. It’s illegal and you could face a fine or worse, go to prison – fact!
If Cd’s were square, you’d have to cut the corners off to get them in your MP3 player. I’M JUST SAYING!!!
Raw plugs should be cooked, say food analysts.
North London sport now… Enfield Narcoleptic’s entire first 11 team were booked last Saturday for time wasting in a friendly against the Barnet Somnambulists’. Their manager said last night, “I simply can’t believe this has happened agai…. Zzzzzz zzzz zz zzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
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